


firsts

by antpelts



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Self-Esteem Issues, Tender Sex, Trans Male Character, Trans Rich Goranski, also the boys are 18 and in senior year, hm never really written this stuff before so here we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: michael and rich's first time together, what can i say
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	firsts

“Are you mad we haven’t told them?”

Eight months. Rich and Michael had been dating for eight months.

To Jeremy’s chagrin they built up a foundation to rival theirs that took 13 years in just under one. Really, at this point it seemed like Michael and Rich were _closer_ where Jeremy was fighting to make up for what he’d done. He felt like he’d been replaced as Michael’s closest friend and maybe he had, but it was _different._

Not that anyone knew.

“Huh?” Michael disconnected his lips from Rich’s neck, how else were they expected to celebrate Rich’s 18th?

“We can’t really.. go on a date or to dinner.” A whimper dragged up out of him as Michael bit at his ear lobe. “Now we’ve spent both of our 18th birthdays in your basement.” 

“Is it bad that I think your lisp is hot?” Maybe. Regardless Michael pulled back enough to get a look at Rich’s face, blurry without his glasses. “I’d love to go on dates. But if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. I don’t really care about that shit, I’m fine being here with you.”

Averting his gaze Rich kept his mouth shut, his hands found Michael’s collar, pulling him back in. He tipped his head to the side, Michael didn’t need to be told twice. Teeth met skin.

“I.. wanna go on a date. A proper one.” Rich’s breath caught as Michael’s hands found his hips, fingers curling in tightly. “Not yet but, uh, soon. Yeah?”

“Alright Richie,” the breath against his skin made him shudder. It almost kept him from noticing the uncertainty in Michael’s voice. He’d said this before, he couldn’t blame the hesitance in believing him. The fingers on his hips loosened enough so that they could shift, slipping under the edge of his shirt. As Michael’s fingers splayed out Rich couldn’t help but blush just feeling how big his hands were. “Could I..”

When he let his gaze drift back to Michael he could see him lick at his lips nervously, his throat moving as he swallowed. Fingers curled until fingernails started to press into his skin, his groan seemed to be all it took to convince Michael to keep talking, “can I take this off?”

Michael had only seen Rich without his shirt once, briefly as it got caught in a hoodie he was trying to pull off. He’d never seen him without it on purpose.. really he’d never seen Rich beyond a shirt and boxers. It didn’t really bother him, Rich’s comfort was at the front of his mind and he tried to make that clear often. That being said, he did want to see his boyfriend, and he told Rich that, too.

“Yeah, yeah,” it came out as a breath, at the same time he preemptively arched his back, letting Michael tug the fabric upwards. There was a beat where Michael’s gaze dropped, looking over Rich’s stomach. “C’mon. What are you staring at?”

With a blush lighting up his face Rich turned his head away, shifting his feet uncomfortably. Over the course of the last year he’d slowly, yet surely, lost his abs. It wasn’t for lack of trying, he went to the gym fairly regularly, but he didn’t punish himself daily. He let himself wake up slowly, rolling over in bed, getting ready at his own pace. There were no more runs at the crack of dawn, no more rounds of sit ups before any normal person would be awake. Really, to his dismay, there was pudge now. That voice still nagged him, berated him for every extra pound.

“You.” Michael’s voice cut through his thoughts, drawing his attention back enough so that he could lift his shoulders. He felt the shirt get pulled up off his arms and head, letting himself flop back down as the shirt was dropped onto Michael’s comforter. “I like looking at you.”

Fingers crept across Rich’s middle, inching upwards. One hand took a detour, gripping onto his hip while the other hand slid up a bit more, hesitating on the bottom of Rich’s ribcage. “Hey. Can I?”

When Rich thought about this moment he thought about Michael, rough and hot, hands tugging and pulling, controlling him. He thought about Michael above him, holding his wrists or holding his thighs. He hadn’t really thought of it like this - not that he thought Michael wouldn’t search for consistent, enthusiastic consent.. he just wasn’t ready for overwhelming _love_ that seemed to drip from his hands and lips.

“Yes,” Rich choked it out, tipping his head back so that it sunk down into the pillow. His breathing was already edging on heavy as he felt Michael’s fingers press against the less sensitive skin of his chest. Despite the lack of a complete range of sensitivity he felt his body light up. Fingertips trailed across one of the scars that stretched across his chest, moving from the middle outwards. When he reached the end he pressed in harder, dragging down his side.

“Handsome.” Michael dipped his head, pressing a kiss in the gap between the two scars. He poked out his tongue, licking a short stripe up before he nuzzled at the spot. His breath warmed Rich’s skin as he spoke, “you really are, you’re handsome.”

In the interest of equivalency Michael sat back on his heels above Rich, pulling off his own shirt. This time Rich couldn’t keep his eyes to himself, he fought back at that voice in his head - he loved Michael’s stomach, he loved the soft pudge and he never got tired of looking at it. If he could love it on Michael then he could tolerate it on himself.

Words came to a halt as Michael kept his mouth busy, lowering himself further to suck a mark against his stomach. The pinch of pain at the bite made him wince, biting on his own lip. His breath shuddered as the lips found their way to his waistband. He felt Michael’s words more than he heard them.

“Can I?”

In a rush he was moving before Michael could, unbuttoning his pants clumsily, words tumbling out in a rush, “please, yes, god Michael.”

That must have been all he needed because he crashed his lips against Rich’s while using his hands to blindly push his pants down his thighs. Rich raised his hips to help speed up the process, thighs practically trembling - they had never gone this far before. He didn't want it to stop.

Holding Michael’s head in place as they kissed Rich kicked his legs until he could push his jeans down from his knees. As soon as he tugged one leg out he wrapped it around Michael’s waist, not bothering with the other, jeans still caught on the ankle of his other leg. All he knew was Michael. Using his heel to dig into the small of his back to bring their hips together, arching his back, straining to start any friction between them. He finally found it, rutting himself up against Michael’s jeans - he felt a small sense of pride feeling the tented fabric against himself. He thought that, maybe, he really did have some pull, maybe Michael wasn’t kidding about him being hot.. Maybe he was, though. Maybe Michael was just a teenage boy too pent up to hold himself back. The nagging voice in his head was drowned out by Michael moaning against his lips.

Blunt fingernails dug into his back as Michael’s arms went around him, using his grip for leverage to grind down in between Rich’s thighs. Letting his eyes crack open Rich could see the tenseness in Michael’s jaw, his brows drawn together, the smallest amount of sweat beading on his forehead. In that moment he swore he’d never seen anything hotter.

Or felt anything so fucking good.

“You know.. you’re so fucking.. hot right?” Michael’s words made it out between breaths that were getting heavier the longer he rutted their hips together. He finally sat back on his heels though and Rich threw his head back, an undignified moan falling from his lips. “Hold on, hold on baby.”

Baby. That was new.

The sound of a zipper caught his attention and Rich raised his head so he could watch Michael struggle with his pants. It was almost frantic, pushing and tugging until he was able to drop them to the floor. He wouldn’t pretend that he wasn’t staring at the tent in Michael’s boxers - his shitty pac-man boxers. He would have laughed if Michael wasn’t on top of him again, breathing heavy in his ear as he drove their hips together. Their chests were pressed together, already growing sticky with sweat. 

Rich would have complained if Michael’s dick hadn’t rubbed up against him in just the right way. Any words died on his tongue as he threw his head back and whined, high pitched and drawn out. 

“Shit, yes. Please, please can I take these off?” One hand moved to hold Michael up as the other was now tugging on the waistband of Rich’s boxers. “I wanna see you so bad.”

In the interest of keeping _some_ dignity Rich kept his mouth shut, giving a low hum as he frantically nodded his head. He tried not to panic as the boxers were slipped off him but his thighs closed on instinct, just slightly. There was nothing hiding him anymore, it scared him and excited him more than anything had before.

Rich trusted Michael.

He trusted the warm hands that settled on his thighs, slowly pressing, pushing, until they opened. He trusted the lips that planted short kisses across his chest. He trusted the breath against his ear.

“Is this alright?” A nod. “Can I try something? You can tell me to stop.”

Despite all the voices in the back of his head Rich couldn’t fathom asking Michael to stop, especially not as he felt his hot breath against his thighs. Those hands were back, moving Rich’s legs up over his shoulders as he settled onto his stomach. He struggled to tell those voices to fuck off because here was Michael Mell, his fully gay boyfriend, going down on him. How could that not make him feel like a man? It was strange, it was some roundabout way of facing his insecurities. But it really did help.

“Fuck,” it came out as a squeak and Rich found his toes curling as Michael gave a long lick up his slit. He let his gaze drop and he saw his boyfriend looking back up at him, one eye half open, trying to gauge him. “Shit, Mell.”

“Hmm?” Rich swore he could _feel_ his grin as he pressed his face forward, pressing a chaste kiss against his skin. “You’re so handsome for me, Richie.”

Part of Rich couldn’t help but wonder if he’d told Michael about his gender insecurities during a panic attack or if he was just really that perceptive. Or maybe Michael was just really attracted to him.

_‘Attracted to you?’_

Nearly a year later and that voice was still there, itching with an electronic edge. It wasn’t real, though, at least not in the same sense. It wasn’t real enough to _shock_ him anymore, but that didn’t make it sting any less. 

_‘Have you seen yourself?’_

He tried not to. Anything he had seen was unavoidable or an accident - a result of not closing his eyes when he passed a mirror after showering. But even if he tried not to look he couldn’t help but _feel_ it. His skin was his new prison. Even if he closed his eyes to take a shower he couldn’t stop from feeling the raised lines, the changes in texture, as he fought nausea just to feel clean for once.

“Rich?” Everything stopped as Michael pulled his mouth away and Rich wanted to scream. He bit his tongue trying to focus himself, he wanted Michael, he wanted to focus on Michael. He felt so gentle and so fucking good- “You with me?”

“Yeah, yeah, still here. Still here.” He drew in a sharp breath, pressing his heel against Michael’s shoulder to urge him forward again. This was their first time (their first time beyond hands over clothes) and the last thing that he wanted was for that shitty, shiny hivemind to take _that_ away from him too. “All yours, Mikey.”

Hands slid up to grip Rich’s hips and he swore he saw stars as Michael pulled him down against his mouth. It was hard to dip too far into self hatred when his boyfriend was acting like there was ice cream that was melting just a bit too quickly and, well, he didn’t want to make a mess. His thighs shook and he felt sweat start to collect on his brow, breaths ragged. He wondered if Michael had been doing some research because for someone who had never had any sort of sexual encounter before him.. he knew what he was doing.

Maybe he knew a bit too well because after a beat his mouth changed and he was _sucking_ and Rich felt like he was about to pass out. He was squeaking and biting down on his fist, doing whatever he could to try and keep quiet. The last thing he wanted was for Michael’s moms to wake up.

“Good?” With the absences of Michael’s mouth he felt like he could cry, unintelligible blabbering fell from his lips and his hands shot out to grab onto his boyfriend’s hair, tugging. “Want me to suck your dick again? Want more, Richie?”

The last thing he expected from Michael Mell was dirty talk.

“Please, please. Fuck, Mell.” With stuttering breaths Rich was finally able to force the words out, rolling his hips as he tried to press up against Michael’s mouth. His lisp made his pleas nearly incomprehensible. “I need you so bad.”

Of course sex would be the tipping point because as soon as he said it he knew it was true. He needed Michael. 

“You can have me,” Michael’s breath was hot between his legs, against his lips.

Rich barely registered the sound of Michael’s glasses clattering as they dropped behind the bed, he must have knocked them off with his squirming. All he could think about was Michael, about his boyfriend’s face pushed between his legs. He was unsure how much time had passed, back arched, a broken line of whimpers falling endlessly from his lips. All he knew was that the next thing he recognized was Michael’s face as he pulled away - his lips were wet, his chin was wet. He was grinning, obviously pleased with himself.

“Do you wanna keep going?” Rich couldn’t help but watch as Michael moved a hand down his own thigh, brushing over his erection. Of course he would, why wouldn’t he?

It took a good ten seconds for him to realize he _came_ and Michael was asking if he was done.

So that’s what it was like.

“You want me?” It came out more broken than Rich expected and he just wanted to duck his head and blame it on the aftershocks that were making his thighs shudder.

“Of course I do.” Michael wiped at his face before leaning down to plant a kiss on Rich’s stomach. “But if this was too much we can stop. You know we can, I want you to feel good. Good and happy and-”

There he was. The Michael that just ate him out was hot and all (and he definitely wanted to see more) but this was his boyfriend. Tripping over his own words as he tried to give Rich the world. He couldn’t help but wonder how he got so lucky and before he could spiral, thinking of what high school without the squip could have been, he opened his mouth. Really, he barely registered what he was saying, he just needed to say anything, “fuck me. Fuck me Mell, I need you.”

“You have me.” It was breathless and he was already fumbling with his boxers and while Rich would swear he was the ugliest person alive (especially when compared to Michael).. seeing Michael react like that to just words was _hot._ Michael was hot. He congratulated his brain on that one. “You’re the hottest person I know, Goranski.”

How much had he said out loud?

“Don’t get too lost up there,” Michael’s words drew him back out and he felt a light tap to his forehead as his boyfriend leaned over him, straining towards the night stand. “Stay with me, yeah? Unless you want to stop.”

“I’m with you.” The quietness of it made him wince but when he felt a light kiss pressed against his forehead he let himself relax. It would be alright. 

It would be more than alright, Michael sat back on his heels now, between Rich’s legs. His boxers had since been discarded and he was fumbling with a condom. Suddenly everything was very real and very hot. Anticipation built inside Rich and he couldn’t help but squirm a bit, slowly rolling his hips against the mattress.

“Fuck, c’mon man. Not even inside you yet and I could lose it.” Rich couldn’t help but watch Michael roll the condom on, his words seemed far off. What could he say, Michael had nice hands. Nice, big hands. And a nice dick. He couldn’t think about it too long though because one of those hands was on his thigh, lifting it up, and _fuck._ “You look so fucking sexy like that.”

Rich didn’t have much time to question where Michael’s other hand was because his answer was found in the form of a finger pushing inside him.

“You’re so wet and good for me already, I don’t think you’ll need much help getting ready.” As Michael quieted down Rich could hear himself - short whines as well as the sound of his wetness around Michael’s finger. Fingers. A second was pushed in and he felt himself stretching to accommodate, a long, low groan falling from his lips. “You feel so good inside, so good baby. Shit, can I say that? Can I call you that?”

Rich decided not to mention that yes, obviously, it was fine - he’d already called him baby that night.. but that was besides the point. They were both a bit out of it, evidenced by the shuddering gasp he gave off as Michael spread his fingers apart. “Yeah! Yeah!”

“Okay baby, baby,” he heard Michael’s voice drop into a groan and he lifted his head so he could look at him again. The fingers inside of him weren’t the only thing making his breath catch, Michael had his free hand wrapped around the base of his erection now, shifting closer to Rich. “Always though pet names were so dumb, Jer and Christine get so gooey it’s gross but.. fuck. You’re mine, my sweetheart.”

“C’mon, Micah.” Rich groaned, face lighting up in embarrassment. The first few months of their relationship they weren’t very vocally affectionate which extended into brushing off any sort of pet names. Looking back he wondered if there was just something that scared them about accepting softness, because despite his protests.. it felt good. “I’m.. yeah, I’m all yours.”

“Do you want..” trailing off he slowly slid his fingers out of Rich, the action drawing an extended whine from Rich. He wiped his fingers off on his boxers that lay abandoned on the comforter, unable to hide how pleased he was with the wetness. “Can I, uh, feel you- uh, inside?”

“Fuck, yes. Yes. Please fuck me.” The end of his sentence turned up in a squeak as he felt Michael rub the head of his dick against his slit. One of his hands shot to cover his mouth, eyes shooting over to look at the stairs, waiting to see if he could hear any movement. Later Michael would tease him over his loudness, but now there were more important matters.

“God, yes. Talk to me Richie, so hot. So fucking hot.” Michael’s voice dipped into an honest to god _growl_ as he used one hand to hold his dick as he slipped the head inside. His other hand moved to prop up one of his thighs, holding Rich open for him. “Tell me exactly what you want, tell me to move.”

If he really wanted to Rich could have came again right there.

“Please, shit,” Rich bit his tongue, hissing out his words as he wrapped his legs around Michael’s waist. He pressed his heels into the small of his back, trying to pull him closer, only rewarded with another inch. “Mikey, c’mon. Please, please put it in.”

“So handsome for me, I’ve wanted you for so long.” Michael’s words were breathed out against Rich’s neck as he pressed their bodies together, slowly pushing himself further inside. He held himself still as he bottomed out, feeling Rich squeeze around him, letting out breathy moans. “You feel so fucking good.”

“You want me?” It came out as shaky as his legs felt hooked around Michael and he turned his head away, biting his lip.

_‘You sound so fucking desperate, so desperate and pathetic.’_

“Of course.” The words cut through the fog in his head, followed with a peppering of kisses against his collarbone. “Stay with me, you’re free of it now. You’re better now. So brave, so handsome.”

“Fuck me.”

Michael didn’t need to be told twice, pulling back slowly before pressing himself back inside, spreading Rich’s wetness over his dick. Once the movements felt smooth enough he picked up his pace, hands moving to grip Rich’s hips. He raised himself up a bit to get some leverage and did his best to slam their hips together. His breathing grew ragged as he kept up his pace, trying to ignore the bed creaking underneath them. Rich’s hands moved to grip at Michael’s shoulders now, blunt nails digging into the skin there.

Words died down in the interest of breathy moans and short gasps. Between whines Rich let his eyes crack open to cast a glance up at Michael. His eyes were shut, face creased in concentration as he kept rolling his hips, sweat beading on his forehead. Watching him, he couldn’t help but let his jaw drop a bit, a desperate moan falling out. Mell was _hot._

_‘So why’s he with you?’_

Why was he? Why was he there, fucking Rich into his mattress? Why had he cooked dinner with his moms for Rich’s birthday? Why had he ran out to pick up an ice cream cake?

“Richie,” it was sudden, breathed against his ear as Michael leaned down, still pounding into him like his life depended on it. His breath hitched as he kept talking, “it’s cause I love you.”

“Fuck me,” Rich all but growled, throwing his head back as he dug his heels harder into Michael’s back.

“Hey, I.. is that bad?” Michael slowed down for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Concern crossed his face but he couldn’t help but groan as Rich rolled his hips, fucking himself down onto Michael. “I do. I’m sorry?”

“Not now. Don’t do this right now.” He reached a hand up, curling fingers into the hair on the back of Michael’s head. “Later, please. I need you right now.”

There was a hint of hesitation as Michael scrunched up his face but he leaned his head back against Rich’s hand as he tugged on his curls. That would have to just be enough for now because there was desperation swimming in Rich’s eyes - not to mention the glossiness to his lips (was he drooling?) and how blown out his pupils were.

It could wait.

The creaking continued, Michael’s hands were now placed on either side of Rich’s head, fingers twisting into the comforter. Rich’s legs began to loosen as he slowly lost more composure, head lolling to the side. Yeah, he was definitely drooling.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Michael grunted, gritting his teeth a bit, rolling his hips harder. “You’re gonna make me cum, you feel so good.”

A hand found Rich’s cheek, cupping it gently, drawing his attention to Michael. Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes and he’d tell himself it was because feeling Michael inside him was just so overwhelmingly _good_ but.. that was probably only half of it. If anyone were to ask he’d say that he couldn’t tell anymore if he’d came again - all he knew was _Michael_ and it was just so _much._ Besides, with Michael talking like that in his ear he just melted into a mewling mess.

“Do it. C’mon Mikey, cum for me,” Rich’s breath wheezed a bit, back arching as he tried to push impossibly close to Michael. His toes curled and he had to clench his jaw so that he didn’t fucking _yell_ when he felt the head of Michael’s dick reach as far as it could, making his eyes roll back. That’s all it took, those words sent Michael over the edge and the look on his face was just the icing on the cake. His jaw was slack now, a drop of drool threatening to fall as his eyes tried to focus on the ceiling.

For a few minutes they laid like that, chests pressed together, breaths heavy. There was a slight whine as Michael finally pulled out and for a second it wasn’t entirely clear where it came from. It got more obvious as he threw an arm over his face and rolled over, pulling his legs tight together. Michael tied off the condom and dropped it into the trash next to his bed before fumbling around on the ground for the towel from his last shower. He gave himself a quick wipe off before gingerly lifting up one of Rich’s legs to place the towel between them, watching him shudder at the feeling.

“Hey,” it was soft but it still got Rich’s attention, he blinked his eyes open, watching Michael crawl into the bed. He closed his eyes again, sighing as he felt the comforter get tugged around before finally getting pulled over him. “I know you’re tired but.. I..”

_‘He’s going to take it back. He didn’t mean it.’_

“Please don’t.. let’s just.. let’s just lay here.” Rich’s voice cracked and he bit his tongue - even if the squip couldn’t punish him, he’d find a way to punish himself.

“I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it but I can’t.. I can’t pretend I don’t and I just need you to know. I love you, a lot dude. Fuck, I just said that I love you and called you dude in the same sentence.”

“I.. fuck man.” He wasn’t expecting him to double down, he wasn’t expecting it to be real. And.. it was hard. Hearing it wouldn’t fix everything, but he was sure that Michael knew that. A declaration of love didn’t erase years of abuse, it didn’t erase years of torment (from multiple sources). Knowing Michael knew that made it easier. Made it easier to roll over and press his face into his chest. “Really?”

_‘No. No. No. No.’_

“Yes.”

Breath rushed out of him in a shudder. Michael loved him. He loved Michael? Yeah. He loved Michael. But it didn’t mean it was easy, his throat was tight, his chest ached, he choked out all he was able to at the time, “me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated


End file.
